Nothing can truly prepare you for that terrifying moment when you realize that you are pregnant and single. And if you are a Christian, that moment can quickly turn into an experience of utter self-condemnation.
But, before you sink into a pit of shame and self-pity, I am here to tell you that there’s hope. There is redemption. And there is a future for you and the blessing you now carry inside your womb.
Today, I’m going to share part of my story with you. Now, in this post, I will cover what I went through during the first few weeks of being pregnant and alone. And the steps I took by God’s grace that helped me throughout my pregnancy.
Let’s dive in:
The Harrowing Discovery
For the first 2 or 3 weeks that I didn’t know I was with child, I blissfully went about my daily routine oblivious of what the hormones in my body were scheming to unleash upon me.
And they truly caught me unawares!
Nausea struck severely in the morning, constant trips to the bathroom took over during the day, and extreme fatigue rounded up the day neatly.
This onslaught led me to a drugstore at the shopping center, where a young male pharmacist recommended a pregnancy test or a laxative if the test was negative.
As it turned out, I was pregnant. Wonderful news, isn’t it? Only, it was completely unexpected.
I was not married. Not engaged. Not even in a relationship. What a mess, right?
A feeling of utter condemnation overpowered me, and I spent many of the next few days in bed.
This was the big one, I thought. Getting pregnant while single is the sin that is most frowned upon in most churches. I could not imagine facing my brethren.
Then there was the question of family. How could I face them?
After wallowing in negative emotions and being on the verge of depression, I found an inner strength inside me. The Bible says, “Greater is He who is in me than he that is in the world.” (1 John 4:4). I found comfort deep within that could only have been provided by the Holy Spirit.
I chose to face the situation head-on and deal with the consequence of my actions. I resolved that whatever may happen, I would be a great Mama to my child.
Here are the steps I took which helped me navigate those first few months of pregnancy. I believe they can help you too.
How to cope when Single and Pregnant and a Christian
1. Start with Prayer
When my pregnancy test came back positive, I sank to my knees. I simply said, “Lord, will you have this baby with me?”
I was single, pregnant and alone in a foreign country. Jesus was the only one I could turn to.
Note that I had repented of my sin before this moment. I had begun to move on before I discovered that I was pregnant. I put everything at God’s feet, and though what followed were horrid, hectic months, I believe that prayer literally changed my life.
I encourage you to trust in the Lord. He knew the child that He put in your womb. He designed it that you would be the wonderful mother to that child. He believed in you and He chose you for that specific purpose.
Repent, if you haven’t already, and receive the forgiveness of the Lord. For if we repent our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us and cleanse us from all unrighteousness. (1 John 1:9)
2. Inform the Responsible Party
It is good to inform the man that is responsible if he is within reach. Please exercise wisdom in your approach. If he accepts responsibility and offers support, be grateful.
I encourage you to involve your parents in order to come up with the best possible way of taking care of the child. If he is not the man you want to marry, especially if he doesn’t share your faith, be very clear about it.
On the other hand, if he denies the pregnancy, or refuses responsibility, do not despair. Resolve to forge forward without him. In my case, he didn’t deny the pregnancy but he was very clear that he was not ready for it. I knew I had to move on.
Please note, exercise wisdom in your approach and do not put you and your baby in a dangerous position.
3. Reach out to a Trusted Person
Identify a trusted person to whom you can open up to. For me, it was my mother. It should me someone who you trust completely and with whom you can be completely honest.
Naturally, I wanted to keep everything under wraps for as long as I could. But It’s so important to open up. It will help you gain the right perspective. And you’ll start to get the support you need.
A support network during pregnancy is of the utmost important. In fact, you’ll find it as the number one advice for moms who are single and pregnant as evidenced by this article on Healthline.
4. Inform Your Family
Let them know there’s about to be an addition to the clan. If you can’t face them directly, find a trusted mediator (someone who is close to the family) to help you out.
In my case, I was able to tell my parents directly. I then requested them to inform the rest of the family for me. Honestly, I felt quite embarrassed. But, as it turns out, there were happy for me. And my family was supportive.
5. Find a Supportive Spiritual Family
Ideally, this should be the church you currently attend. Speak to a trusted leader or counselor who will guide you during this challenging time. Different denominations respond in different ways to such circumstances.
Humble yourself and accept correction. But if they can no longer have you as one of them, pray that God leads you to a church that will embrace and support you.
My church family were amazing. They embraced me, prayed for me, and supported me throughout my pregnancy. At first I approached two female leaders. They then guided me and gave me valuable advice. I was able to talk to my pastor who informed the congregation.
A supportive church will truly minister to you as Christ would. They’ll remind you that you are loved and forgiven. For more encouragement, you can read one of my favorite stories here, about the Christian response to unplanned pregnancy
6. Find a Good Clinic
With your financial status in mind, search for a clinic that will give you the best possible services for you and your baby.
I had zero insurance. It was frustrating to spend so much money during my pregnancy and the birth of my child. Eventually, I had to rely on my parents to help me out.
If you have insurance, good for you. If you don’t plan to sign up as soon as possible. Some may not cover your pregnancy but it will come in handy during your baby’s monthly visits to the clinic
7. Gather Information
From health centers, the Internet and especially your mother, get as much information as you can on how to manage your pregnancy with regard to each trimester. This will help you cope, especially if you are alone. Always ask your doctor for advice when in doubt.
I remember religiously keeping up with my baby’s growth week by week. There are good sites that describe the growth process in great detail. You’ll know when to expect the first flutters of movement and even when your baby might be sucking their thumb. How cool is that!
8. Make a Plan
If you are doing pregnancy alone like I did, you need to come up with a plan. This should be an all round plan that considers your health- physically and mentally, finances, accommodation, career and education during those 9 months and beyond.
A baby changes your life in a good way. You’ll have a whole new perspective on everything. I quickly learned what was important and valuable. In my plan, I chose to go back to school during my pregnancy. The schedule was flexible and I gave birth the week after my examination. I took up walking for exercise. I planned for my mother to come to the city I was living in the day before my due date. (side note: my baby arrived before my mother did, haha)
My point is, pregnancy can be exhausting. But with a good plan, it will be much easier. Remember even the little details matter.
9. Believe in yourself
Finally, YOU CAN DO THIS. God is on your side. He is for you and He will help you. Cast all your cares at His feet, and take it one day a time.
The psalmist says: children are a blessing from the Lord. (Ps 127:3). Even for a Christian who is pregnant and alone, the words remain true. Do not despair, there is always hope. I am a testimony that God will get you through this.
If this post helped you, join me as I share my journey about doing pregnancy alone and embracing single parenthood. A single pregnant Christian is still a child of God. And the Father loves you and will never abandon you. Keep the faith.
Otherwise, share your advice with me and other Christian Mamas about what to do, when you are single and pregnant in the comment section.
And if you feel that this post will help someone out there kindly share it by clicking on the social media buttons below.